Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
