God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
