I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize