I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
