i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
