I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
