Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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