note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
