Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
