Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
