oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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