playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
