she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize