I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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