I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
