1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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