not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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