How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You were trust falling into bushes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize