Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
