yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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