i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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