I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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