if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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