So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
