She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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