I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
