I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
