you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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