If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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