SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
