happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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