its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
