i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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