kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
