So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
false alarm. still invincible.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
