gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
