is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
