i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
