She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
