Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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