apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
