your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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