I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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