i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
