I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
