i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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