I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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