I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Found your dick twin last night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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