Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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