Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize