Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
