I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
