Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
