Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
