Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it was like eating out sand paper
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
