I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize