Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
