meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
