So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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