My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
