Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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