She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
