Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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