You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
