sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
