Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
