Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
