it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
