Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
