I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
