Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
