Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it was like eating out sand paper
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
