Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
