i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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