I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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