Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
