I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
