we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
