She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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