K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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