just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize