I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
