yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
