so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
