i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
