You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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