Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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