I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
