Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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