Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
one two three fourrrrnication!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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