Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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