she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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