yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
