Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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