epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
