tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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